A persistent idea in the business world is that only those that are self-serving and cutthroat can get ahead. While this may be the reality at certain organizations, it is no longer the rule that you have to be a complete A$%#@!e to be successful as a manager and get the most out of your team. Instead, it’s possible to be the type of leader you have always dreamed of following and get buy-in from your staff while maintaining a friendly demeanor. Here are the benefits of being a friendly manager, and tips for how to maintain balance so that you do not become overly friendly or a pushover.
Hollywood has given us the classic narcissistic boss who is only concerned with themselves. They do not accept failure and have high demands for their team.
Although that may be a satisfying form of entertainment because we can root for the protagonist who gets away from their terrible boss – the reality is that this will not be effective in the real world. This is an extreme caricature, one that you do not want to work for as an employee and one that as a leader, I’m sure you don’t strive to be.
There is a notable impact on the mental health of leaders who behave this way. Remember, CEOs, Directors, and Managers are people too and are not immune to depression and burn-out. Narcissism for instance, is considered a dysfunctional behavior. Leading in a cut-throat environment within an executive suite can lead to paralyzing indecision, monumental rage, chronic sleeplessness, anxiety, and sobbing emotional breakdowns.
Instead of heading down the narcissistic manager pathway, you can choose to make your life easier by learning the benefits of being a friendly manager instead.
What is a friendly manager?
The concept of being friendly must not to be confused with being passive and nice to your detriment. A friendly manager is pleasant to be around, but still needs to make difficult decisions and their team cannot think that they can walk all over them. Basically, a friendly manager is personable and gets along well with others, but has a backbone.
Friendly managers have a good attitude, encourage members of their team to do their best, and are approachable. Being approachable is one of the essential factors that I credit my leadership success with and I have experienced these real life benefits of being a friendly manager.
Don’t undermine your leadership by being a people pleasing manager! Read more about how to avoid being a people pleasing manager here
There is a balancing act between being personable, and getting too personal. Ensure that you are not getting overly familiar with your team. You will find your groove with this, but I find that keeping the questions high level is a good starting point.
How to ensure that you do not cross from friendly in to overly personal
What is considered too personal is determined on an individual basis. For example, I have one employee that I know very little about. I believe that she is married and has children – but I know none of their ages or specifics. Another employee I know about how their children are doing in school and their financial struggles with their husband being laid off.
These are obviously examples from opposite sides of the spectrum, but I let the employee lead their personal life disclosure when I round in the morning and say good morning to each individual. By asking the same question on a Monday, for example “How was your weekend”. I can get a variety of answers and the amount of personal detail is guided by the employee.
Any follow up questions by yourself to their response should also be high level. Using the above employee as an example, go ahead and ask how their child’s recent science project went if they made jokes about being a paper-mache volcano expert. Do not ask why their husband was laid off or if they are going to lose their house.
Since leadership can be a double edged sword at times, this may seem like favoritism since you know about some employees than others. Read more here on the dangers of displaying favoritism as a leader and how to balance it out.
Off limit topics – even if they bring them up first!
Since you may get sucked in to topics that would fall under too personal, here are some general topics that are off limits to follow up inquiry by you, even if they share them first.
- Political beliefs
- Religious beliefs
- Romantic questions (ex. if they are single, why they are single, when are getting married, partner issues such as divorce, sexual orientation). NOTE: If you suspect domestic abuse, reach out to your Human Resources department to support you in navigating this.
- Family status question (ex. if they plan on having more children, questions on why they don’t have children)
- Financial questions (if they are financial supporting family members, how much their house/car/shoes/purse etc. is, why they can’t afford something, how expensive their rent is, how much their house purchase was)
- Medical questions (why they require appointments, why they have a particular scar)
If you do get sucked in to one of these off limits territory, politely extricate yourself by either saying, “I’m sorry to hear that, let me know if you need anything from me such as time off or a change in assignments” or “I”m sorry to hear. That sounds difficult. Make sure you take care of yourself/family during this time”.
What are the benefits of being a friendly manager on your team?
Want in on a leadership secret? Treat your team well and their performance will make you look like a leadership rock star.
Read more about the long term career benefits of being a friendly manager here! Simple changes go a long way.
Attitude is usually reciprocated
When you treat people with respect, you get respect back. When you are friendly, you get better attitudes back.
You get the right feedback from your team
Friendliness impacts how approachable you are. If you are more approachable, people are going to be willing to speak with you and tell you what is actually going on with the team.
When you are not an approachable leader, you will be kept in the dark as to potential root causes of issues. This means that you are only guessing to potential root causes to come up with an action plan. No leader I know has time in their agenda for needless guessing games!
Easier to inspire trust
The ability to inspire trust naturally follows after you get the feedback from your team – and then do something about it. When you say what you do, and do what you say in a friendly manner.
Higher team engagement
This matters because team engagement has a direct impact on your bottom line.
The Gallop report also mentioned that 51% of employees are not engaged at work – which translates in to grey middle. They can tilt either way in their indifference – good or bad.
Being friendly has a positive impact on this indifferent “show me” group who want their voices heard and actions followed up on. They want to feel like they matter to you and the team.
You retain your valuable assets – the people on your team!
No one wants to come to work every day and work for a jerk.
Retention of your experienced staff is essential if you want to maintain stable operations and understand the history of your team in order to support as the backbone of growth.
While it may seem like a simple concept, the benefits of being a friendly manager should not be overlooked. Often the simplest concepts will yield great team results, and your increasing team performance will have other leaders turn to you for advice – because you’re that much more approachable now.